I am a buoy moving up and down in the presence of the vast ocean trying to stay afloat. Life has changed. It has been one month since our mother passed and a lifetime of caring about her and for her. There is no more visiting and being with her and giving her kisses on her soft cheeks. Two people that gave their lives for their children were no longer here in this physical world. While they are with us, there is presence is harder to feel and see.
I am trying to navigate with the living although feel distant and uncomfortable. When your heart and soul ache so much your body feels heavy and it is hard to move. What was simple becomes hard. What seemed typical and part of every day seems made up and artificial. Being outside and listening to the wind and birds around me give me comfort and direction to continue to listen and be present in its beauty. In between these two worlds, I focus on basic and fundamental needs of sleep, eating and exercise and being around my family to fill my heart with hope and joy. In this inflection space, I wonder, what if I am being the most authentic of myself, and exactly where I need to be.